On Saturday we threw a birthday lyme for my BFF Isabelle in Gallina, St. Mary. At a beautiful "Ochie Crew" hideout spot by the sea, inbetween Oracabessa & Port Maria.
The afternoon started out with our favourite party treat, sugar cane marinated in rum and/or vodka....can you say potent!
We hired a cook and he whipped up a gut pleasing corned pork, curry lobster, roast fish stuffed w/ callalloo along with the country staples: roast breadfruit, green banana and dumplings!
While waiting for the food to be prepared we were edumacated...yes edumacated.... with the theories from Marlon, the local guru on "everything". (The fellow pictured above in the red head tie) Marlon's theories are as follows:
1. Carrot, Irish potato, beans, rice & cassava were all created in labs and therefore are not fit for consumption.
Guru Marlon:"I don't eat dem tings"
Us: "Why?"
Guru Marlon:"Yu eva see carrot seed yet?"
Us: "No"
Guru Marlon: "See!"
Another resident guru:"Mi see carrot seed arreddi"
Guru Marlon: "Eh heh...a nuh righted carrot dat man"
2. Meat is what is wrong with mankind, we should only eat things from the sea, anything from the sea is good. Beef, pork and chicken dem tings should not be eaten.
Guru Marlon: "If you eat only the tings from the sea"
Another resident guru: "and bush....just di green bush nuh cook it down"
Guru Marlon: "Yes tings from di sea and green bush, you never have to excercise again. You will loose weight easy"
Us: "How so diarreah?"
Guru Marlon: " No di body will naturally loose weight and gain muscles. See my muscles? Mi neva lift weights yet a day inna mi life!"
Us: *Kiss Teet* "Right"
Guru Marlon: "No serious, just tings from the sea and green bush"
Another resident guru: "And mi herbs, mi herbs good fi everything. It fix anything yu ave. But mi soon finish build up mi compound and unoo can come visit and mi wi cure all a unoo wid mi herbs"
3. Milk should only be drunk by babies from their mother's breast.
Guru Marlon: "Milk is acid! It have cyanide inna it, man should not drink milk."
Us: "Why?"
Guru Marlon: "Yu eva si donkey drink from cow titty yet?"
Us: "Errr... No"
Guru Marlon: "Exactly!"
Us: "Huh?"
Guru Marlon: "Unoo drink milk?"
Us: "Yea"
Guru Marlon: "Unoo a cow den!"
Us: "A who dis rass man a call cow?"
Guru Marlon: "Doan tek offense but if donkey don't drink from cow why unoo mus drink from cow? unoo a cow?"
Us: *muttering from some peeps in the back* "How im jus a harp pon di donkey suh...mine yu know"
4. Him know everything there is to know about women, because women go off of nature.
Guru Marlon: "Woman mentral period work offa di moon"
Guru Marlon's class came to a premature end as the cook announced that "food ready".
Oh and remember all that "Beef, pork, chicken and dem tings must not be eaten" talk from Guru Marlon? Well many an eyebrow went up as he helped himself to the food, everything EXCEPT the fish....hmmmm
Us: "So how come yu a eat pork and carrot now? Nuh you jus done tell wi sey dem tings nuh fi eat? And whappen yu nah eat nuh fish?"
Guru Marlon: *Sly Grin* "Mi muma sey mi mus'n talk wid food inna mi mout" *stuffs big piece of dumpling with pork in his mouth*
It was a great day.
Ahhh! The beauty of our country and it's people...yes, even our demented local guru Marlon!
One Love;)
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